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I was reading this Click Hole article about How To Fuck Good and the second tip is:

  • Fuck so good that you win an award

And I remembered, I have a sex award! I have TWO sex awards! That prize is literally over the door to my bedroom, because everyone who enters my home should know about the kind of sex that goes on in there. 

The above award was for a movie called How They Felt  we made for the 48 Hour Film Project. I also won Best Actress, but I have no idea where that prize is, if you’re wondering what my priorities are. 

Hannah, what was the other Sex Award you won? GREAT QUESTION. I came in 2nd (ugh, I KNOW) in the Boston Air Sex Championships. (If you don’t know, Air Sex is like air guitar, but for fucking.) I didn’t get a plaque, but I did win a bunch of fancy lubes. Here is a picture of my silver medal performance: 

Fun fact! According to the judges, I was the only person in Air Sex competition history to use an air condom! I knew all that mime training would pay off! Safety first!

ALSO, here is a fun picture from the finals. 

I didn’t win, but at least I beat the human centipede dudes. 

kfan:

I know the news from Kfandom HQ has been all Kim Game all summer, but there’s never, like, a perfect time to tell people about your KKH fanfic.

Here’s what I’ve been working on lately:

Paris Hilton, angry about the character of Willow Pape in Kim Kardashian Hollywood, uses her magic powers to trap Kim Kardashian inside the game, forever. Kim must escape the game and get back to the real world in order to defeat Paris once and for all. 

You can read the first six chapters of Kim Kardashian: Trapped In Her Own Game at Wattpad, where it currently has over 3000 (!?!) reads and comments ranging from “I can’t even” to “this is bae”. 

Thank you and Happy Poke Friday.

KEVIN IS A GIFT AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE DID TO DESERVE HIM.

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